Friday, April 30, 2004

More corrections than "The New York Times" 

Those poor misunderstood terrorists. Their PR departments are off their feet, putting out written statements and taped messages denying vicious rumours and clarifying misconceptions sown around by the Zionist devils and their lackeys in international media.

Hot on the heels of the "we're not al Quaeda" and "I'm not the Hamas leader" denials, comes the tape, purportedly recorded by the very elusive bin Laden associate, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who denies that the foiled terrorist attack in Jordan was going to involve chemical weapons, and that fellow Muslims were the desired target of the attack.

Al-Zarqawi doesn't want you to labour under a misapprehension: "Yes, the plan was to totally destroy the building of the intelligence apparatus... (But) their claims of unimaginable casualties and that it was a chemical bomb that would have killed thousands of people is a pure lie...The chemical and poisonous bomb is a fabrication by the evil Jordanian mechanism... The Jordanian intelligence lied... to protect their masters and sponsors from the Jews and Christians."

But of course.

"God knows, that if we possessed such a bomb that we would not have hesitated for a second to avidly seek to strike Israeli cities such as Eilat, Tel Aviv and others."

Oh, that's alright then.

Coming up tomorrow: Osama bin Laden denies he has been chosen as the new head of Hamas. Osama also denies signing up a seven-figure contract with CBS to write a tell-all expose of the inner machinations, corruption and incompetence at the heart of the Bush Administration.

MEANWHILE: Syrian official fingers al Quaeda, and American congressmen finger Syria for the recent terrorist outrage in Damascus. Expect another taped clarification from the Slim Shadys at al Quaeda.


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