Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Will the real al Quaeda please stand up? 

The Slim Shadys of Islamist terror are at it again, throwing threats around and sowing confusion, reports BBC: "A message claiming to be from al-Qaeda says it is not to blame for a suicide car bomb attack in Riyadh last week."

However, al Quaeda still knows why non-al Quaeda had staged the attack: "The tape says the Saudi royal family and its alliances with Christians and Jews was the reason for the attack. Americans, Jews and 'Crusaders', as western troops are called, will continue to be targeted by al-Qaeda, the tape says."

But neither Americans, Jews and "Crusaders" were actually targeted by the bomb - it was their fellow Saudis working at the security forces' HQ.

And the al Quaeda tape itself wasn't even recorded by al Quaeda but by some shadowy outfit calling itself the al-Haramain Brigades, who said on the tape that "they were just filling in for al-Qaeda, while it was preoccupied with its Jihad against crusaders."

Hello, you've reached al Quaeda. We're not home at the moment as we're currently getting our asses kicked in Iraq and Afghanistan. Please leave a message and some volunteer intern that's been hanging around our office will get back to you. Maybe.

MEANWHILE: in other terrorist news, Hamas denied it has named Mahmoud Al-Zahar as its new leader to replace the recently assassinated Abdel Aziz Rantisi.

"The Israeli media has fabricated these false reports," Hamas said in a communique. "The movement is committed to not disclosing the name of its new leader."

I can just see the top Hamas leadership standing in a circle and tossing a hand grenade around; "You're the leader", "Am not", "Yes you are", "No, it's you", "Am not, am not, am not!"


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