Friday, September 03, 2004
From the alternative universe's premier news source, the "Onion":
"DOHA, QATAR—With the stated intent of 'turning current-events coverage on its head,' the popular but oft-criticized Al-Jazeera Arab television news network launched its 'Lighter Side Of The News' segment Monday.And this from Reuters:
" 'And now, we have something a little different for you,' anchor Jihan Jalami said, turning from coverage of violence in Najaf. 'It seems a certain suicide bomber paid the price for his sloppy job Sunday, when he failed to annihilate a Jerusalem pizza parlor, and himself along with it. After numerous attempts to detonate the homemade device hidden under his shirt, the bomber gave up and ordered lunch! Can you imagine the relieved look on that restaurant owner's face?!'"
"A Bali bomber serving a life term for his role in the nightclub blasts that killed 202 people was treated by police to an outing at an up-market shopping mall in the Indonesian capital, police admitted Thursday.
"Ali Imron was spotted Wednesday sipping coffee at a Starbucks in the central Plaza Indonesia mall, where security has been tightened after a wave of bombings targeting Western interests in recent years.
"He was accompanied by Brigadier-General Gorris Mere, who is involved in the Bali investigations, and a number of armed guards, who quickly escorted Imron to a waiting car and drove away after being spotted by reporters."