Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Scamming Iraq in three easy steps 

I got my first "Nigerian scam email" from Iraq:
"FROM: Sgt. John Smith Fitte
Important Message
To President / Managing Director..

"Good day,

"My name is John Mark Fitte, I am an American soldier, I am serving in the military of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq, As you know we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and car bombs.We managed to move funds belonging to Saddam Hussien's family. The total amount is US$25 Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills. We want to move this money to you, so that you may invest it for us and keep our share for banking.

"We will take 50%, my partner and I. You take the other 50%. no strings attached, just help us move it out of Iraq, Iraq is a warzone. We plan on using diplomatic courier and shipping the money out in one large silver box, using diplomatic immunity.

"If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can I trust you? When you receive this letter,kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. This business is risk free. The box can be shipped out in 48hrs.please reply me back on this my private address (johfitte@...)


"Sgt. John s. Fitte"
This was just too good to let pass, so I replied:
"Dear Sgt Fitte

"It is with great surprise but also great excitement that I received your email and the proposal to share 50-50 the profits of removing US$25 million in cash out of Iraq.

"For the past several years I have been involved with the administration of the United Nations' Oil for Food program in Iraq, which enabled the sovereign government of the-then President Saddam Hussein to raise several billion US dollars for the ambitious palace-building and re-armament programs.

"Due to an illegal American invasion of Iraq, of which you, Sgt Fitte, are unfortunately a part of, as well as the anti-UN and anti-Secretary General Annan witchhunt by neo-conservative agitators in the US government and the US Congress (I hope that you voted for John Kerry, Sgt Fitte!), this highly successful Food for Oil program has been suspended and I find myself reassigned and underemployed on the Darfur Crisis Resolution Sub-Committee, writing strongly worded warnings about future strongly worded warnings should the situation not improve (genocide is such a charged, unhelpful word, isn't it?).

"So, to cut a long story short, I would be happy to get back into the swing of things, as they say. US$25 million is but a small change compared to some of the oil contracts we've handled in the past, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

"Kind regards

Jude Finisterra"
Jude is currently awaiting a response from Sgt Fitte - and guess what? twenty four hours later he still hasn't heard back from the good (bad?) Sargeant.


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